A Thousand Trials

Yesterday I walked along the Portstewart strand, which sits on the sea, and I am yet again amazed. It was as if the wind were picking on the sea, swooping down and taking its shots. The sea, a drunken giant with definite temperamental issues, throwing it's fists blindly like a dazed boxer, leaving itself open to be smacked and thrown. I don't know why sometimes they clash when they can get along so wonderfully, like siblings I suppose. On this specific afternoon there was something that came between them, there were no playful fights, but anger and power. The wind throwing the sea to the rocks making it bleed its foam. I walked with very little control of my direction, a good 40 feet from the seaside wiping the seawater from my face, as it came like rain on a rainless day. It's an eye opener, and I'm not sure if I will ever see anything like it again, I'm not sure if I want to. I have learned above all here that there is more to God than I know; there is power, majesty and beauty beyond my understanding. He works, and has worked, in such a drastic amount of ways.
I have been changed, and though it may seem from my words that it has been through the things I've seen I assure you it is not, I just describe what I see to paint the black, white and red truth. Like a Psalm can be most moving when sung from a broken voice in sweet melody, “Give light to my eyes, Oh Lord, or I will sleep in death”. But it is the black, white and red words of scripture that have pierced my heart and soul, not the beauty of nature and life. I walk by the sea now to seek the Lord and perhaps then find the sea beautiful, not to see the beautiful sea in hopes of finding the Lord. Every breath to be a prayer, fighting off the prince of the air. Every thought to be a plea, “oh God surround me.” Every step a thousand miles, by the grace of God against a thousand trials.
Every day decisions are made, some more important than others, some have such an incomparable weight to others. I see clearer now, I have prayed against the will of my body for a baptism of fire, to be renewed by the Spirit of God. I am a new creation, with a new mind in the name of Jesus Christ. I am no longer conformed to the pattern of this world (though to play off rhythm takes continual concentration) and I have experienced on a level a taste of the weight of glory that has destroyed my entire mind. I can no longer see with these eyes like I had, I can no longer hear with these ears like I had. To pray with my morning’s first breath and to worship with my evening’s last sigh and with all that is in between be praise, through faith and love demonstrated in good deeds, as Christ. It is a feat, and if ever I can fully accomplish it, which I strive for, it will be because of the immeasurable grace and love of God. I once thought that the big decisions in life were the apparently larger ones, like schooling, or careers. And on a level they definitely are, though they cannot weigh themselves beside the decision of constant prayer, or the choice of praise over idolatry. I have learned this, and am trying to grasp it.
I have made a decision recently, one that would at first seem large, but really is not compared to a decision to read the word of God, which is more important than air. I have decided to come back to London, Ontario. I was not sure whether I would make this something public, but I cannot see myself hiding this from my brothers and sisters who are praying for me. In early April I will, Lord willingly, have the joy of seeing you all again.
I am having a very enjoyable and fruitful time over here for sure, but circumstances and prayer has lead me this way. I can't wait to share what God has taught me, and what questions and challenges His word has put on my mind.
I have been praying for many of you and all of you. To experience the Kingdom, which has come, and is here, and is still coming, with such a terrible weight that your mind, heart, soul, and strength would be forever changed and renewed. To know the good and perfect and pleasing will of God in all decisions.
Pray for me also, to keep my eyes set on today and the possibilities in the name of Christ.